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Marriage Is Not Uno, It's Spades Part 4: Are Mistakes Strengthening or Strangling You?

 



Uno is really straight forward. 7 Cards. Get rid of them. Spades on the other hand involves predicting how your cards will leave your hand. There is an entire conversation or communication exercise rather, before the round begins. This time of bidding is an agreement of what 1 partner can expect from the other. This bid is what they will achieve together, sacrificing as necessary to support one another. But bids can be wrong. Sometimes the cards just don’t play out in your favor. And when you and your partner are set, it’s not Uno. You don’t just shrug off that you didn’t get Uno out first. You and your partner talk about what happened. Where did things go wrong? How do we make sure it doesn’t happen again? In a healthy partnership, responsibility is taken, by one if not both people. And rarely do they not make their goal again. They are better, stronger, clearer as a result of the previous mishap.



But sometimes these post round reviews don’t happen. Sometimes the pride is too great to review and plan anew. Accusations replace accountability. Inevitably, trust breaks down between partners. The bidding conversation includes silent back ups, not because of the ploys of the opponent, but due to the folly of one’s partner. No longer is there a rhythm between the two, because the harmony is lost. Wise opponents prey on the discord. No matter the final score, the partners know they lost at the point of distrust. 



Meanwhile no one thinks twice about what happens in Uno. In marriage mistakes will happen. How those mistakes are handled make or break the marriage relationship, the sense of team. When handled in humility, there can be growth and strength. When handled in pride or with dismissiveness, what grows is animosity between the two. Is an Uno mentality creating conflict in your marriage?



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