I was speaking with a friend the other night, and she commented that she didn’t remember the last time I was so happy. The reason she couldn’t remember was because any sort of happiness I had experienced previously had been so fleeting. She and I had met at the end of 2020. My whole life had gone through restructuring, so 2021 seemed promising.
Purposeful but painful is what 2021 turned out to be. Rather than height to height, 2021 traversed heights to valleys. What was hopeful collapsed. What was stable shifted to shaky. And what was foreign and unknown became my safety zone. I went from the familiar streets of DC to the mountains of North Carolina. I went from being one of many almost everywhere I went, to one of the only African Americans in the area. It was hard. Injustice was real, and the marriage I had been hoping for had imploded.
2022 brought new everything. New job. New place to live. New title: single mom. Constant change in which I found it hard to find more than happy moments. Learning to be a mom of 3 at once while navigating foster care, single parenting, a new job, and a drawn out divorce was HARD. Only God. As I look back and think, wait how did all of that happen? The only answer is God. He is a light in the darkness and a faithful guide along any path.
2023 brought stagnation. Many of us have been on the plane that just isn’t cleared to land, or without a gate to pull up to. There is the anticipation of arrival met with the frustration of delay. I had such high hopes for closure in 2023 and all that came was delay. Where there were sparks, disappointment soon came to snuff it all out. When? That was the question of 2023. When will these things happen? And every day seemed to say… nothing. Little did I know that the quiet of 2023 on the surface was the time of depth and development beneath the surface. The delay stretched out all the way until 2024, but the roots grew deep.
God told me in the last few weeks of 2023 that everything was about to change and to batten down the hatches for anything I didn’t want to see change. I made a list of the “bulwarks”, the things in life I felt were non negotiable. I wrote down the areas God had been giving me to focus on for the last few years: ministry, motherhood, and marriage. I wrote down what I believed God was calling me to in those areas and the necessary practices to protect those areas. And just as forecasted, 2024 brought the winds of change!
2024 has brought constant change and adjustment. I love routine. I crave plans that unfold in at least one of the three variations I have concocted, and I revel in peace! Well 2024 has brought peace, but the routines and plans that get perfect execution have been blowing around in the winds of change. Just when a routine is established, something changes. Yet the change hasn’t impeded on my happiness, my blooming joy.
2024 brought another move, transition to the work of a stay at home mom, more children (are there 6 or 7? Are there supposed to be 8?), a delightful marriage, a “perfect for us” house, a church in which I am challenged, and the exercise of many skills! Life is full. Life is happy. If you are in a tough season, or even in the midst of consecutive tough seasons, hold on. Trudge through. The happiness and joy that come when you follow God through the darkness are worth the pains of the journey!
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