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Still Married, Over 2 Years Later!




 It sounds like what’s the big whoop? I’m sure most would hope that would be true 2, 10, 20 years! But we separated over 2 years ago! I filed for divorce over a year ago. Yet, here we are, still! “Final” hearing over 4 months ago. 

Marriage is definitely meant to be binding, and I am not a believer of I just married the wrong person. But what about when the person doesn’t want to be married to you? What about when the person engages in abusive behaviors towards you? 

Less than 5 months into my marriage I had to face dilemmas no newlywed should. It was my life that spun into a nightmare. It was my life that had looked so promising and then became so ugly. I had to wrestle with thoughts of immediate divorce vs trying to work it out/ believe God/ anything but divorce. I chose the God will fix it path. And I believed He would. 

Then as time went on I changed to the God can fix it camp. But as months passed, and conversations looped, and counseling continued to be refused, and more information was revealed, and agreements continued to be broken… I shifted to maybe, God won’t. In the final stages before I filed for divorce, I honestly got to a place of, God don’t even bother. 

As a person who wrestles with disappointment: avoiding it, dealing with it, living with it… My marriage took the prize. Almost every hope and dream for marriage didn’t materialize. The one exception? Good pictures. If only good pictures could fuel a good marriage. Little did I know that the disappointment I would experience in marriage would persist as I pursued divorce. 

Delay tactic after delay tactic court delay after delay has led to a divorce proceeding, with no kids or property involved, that has lasted over a year! Out of 32 months of marriage we have been separated 28 of them! In the midst of waiting, I have gained numerous insights. I have been humbled. I have been hurt. I have been dumbfounded. But I’m still here. 

If you had told me in October 2022 that over a year later I would still be stuck- I would have completely flipped. And maybe that’s why we don’t know how long some journeys will be. What’s the big deal you say? When life is literally on hold as you wait, it’s a big deal! Sure life is happening all around you, but when you are legally bound to another person, there is a lot you cannot do without that other person. So as advent rolls on, I wait for deliverance in a new way. 

Be gracious to those who are separated, going through divorce, or desiring remarriage. Sometimes things are not at all what they seem. And most likely, at least one spouse wanted a different ending. 




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