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Hands on the Wheel, Foot to the Pedal



The other day my new therapist asked me about what ministry I participate in. I began telling her about my day to day activities. 4 years ago I would have told her about leadership teams and Sunday opportunities. There was the day to day stuff, but that wasn’t enough. I needed to hit all of the check boxes. That way if anyone asked I could assure them that I was good enough. I could also soothe my own questioning heart. 

4 years ago God began to disrupt my life under the surface. All of a sudden my authenticity was on trial, from within. And I was guilty. So much of my life was for others. Not for the love of others, but for their approval, their love. As the facade crumbled and my desire to maintain appearances faded, I was left to wrestle with a question. Do I believe God’s love for me personally? 

Between an upbringing that prioritized reasoning and several years of seminary, I was able to talk of God’s love. But deep down I questioned and wrestled with ME being lovable. Probably there is more to be written about that in another post. This post is about this verse. “ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” 1 John 4:16

It has taken 4 years to know the love God has for me. A personal love. A staying love, a caring love that actually responds to my tantrums and my “I can’t take it anymore cries”. A love that doesn’t just correct but celebrates. A love that I am now learning to rely on. 


This security in love has led to a richer authenticity in me. Today being the hands and feet of Jesus was taking one of my teens to get his driver’s license. A supervisor asked me, “aren’t you off today?”  Yes… but my God celebrates me. He comes through for me. So when I got that call, my answer was without hesitation, yes! (Can you imagine having been given a car but no one will take you to get your license?!)

Knowing God’s love for me has given me the gift of no as well. No I am too tired. No I am not interested in that. No I won’t be treated in this manner. 


No, I don’t have it all perfected. But I am progressing in love. His love. Love for others. And love for myself. That’s ministry for sure. 

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