It's not that I want to- it's that I believe.
It's been over ten years since I've been in school. It's true that I've taken a couple of graduate level courses, but somehow I don't think that compares to being a full time student. 3 credits at a time vs 16.
Even attending seminary- it's not so much that I want to attend- it's that I believe.
See I believe that as I've been praying for guidance about what next, God has led me to this place. A place that doesn't look easy and to many looks impossible. However, they don't know my story. It's been over 10 years so some of the details may be a little bit dusty and rusty, yet it's a testimony all the same.
When I entered Howard in 2003, fresh from high school, I entered under God's miraculous favor. I had a full scholarship including books and board that I had "earned" by taking a test. Due to the high school AP courses I had passed I was already more than 1/2 way finished with my freshman year- before beginning it. You read a lot of I's because I did think it was my accomplishment, my mother's hard work. But that's not true. It was God who had put me into that position. Even though I didn't know a whole lot about walking with Him at the time, He was already clearly at work in my life.
During freshman orientation the school informed us that over 1/3 of us would lose our scholarships because we would not be able to manage our academics and our social life. I didn't fall into that 1/3. And my social which eventually became ministry life was packed. I actually can tell you more about the ministry I was doing and the socializing I shouldn't have been doing than the academics... BUT it is God who is faithful, not man. I remember a particular semester that looked so intimidating. I had one day in which I was in class 12 hours.... I think with only an hour break. I still remember now that the 12 hour day was the easiest day of my week. Why? Because I KNEW that I couldn't do it. That was the day I made sure to get up early and beseech God for his help. And God supplied it. The favor I operated under in undergrad was almost obnoxious. I remember picking up a book an hour before a test and earning an A on that same test- some people may read that and deduce that I'm super intelligent but I assure you it was just favor. By 2006 I had my first degree, and by 2007 I had my 2nd. One with a 3.8 and the other, well that's a testimony too.
The scholarship that I entered Howard with was for 4 years, however it could be applied to a 5 year program only if declared from the beginning. I had transferred into the 5 year program so Howard refused to pay for my grad year with the same scholarship, even though they still technically owed me another year of undergrad under my scholarship! However, favor. Howard gave me a scholarship that covered my graduate school expenses. This one didn't include room and board and so that just created an opportunity for God to show himself mighty yet again. A friend recommended me for a job, and so that provided income. Thanks Crystal Grant. A family friend provided housing until I found my own. Thanks Deanes family. And the housing that God provided- well that's a whole different testimony. Anyone who knew me back in 2007 knew about my housing. The Sunshine House was a place of great ministry and fellowship, not because of me but because of God! I am smiling about that testimony because I had been tempted to settle, to compromise on integrity, or not be obedient to the vision God had given me- but I believed and God provided.
Now, my grad year was not easy by any stretch of the imagination. I was student teaching which is like a job, I was working, and I had a full course load. In addition to this I had undergone a traumatic break up with someone I had been in ministry with and planned to marry. That 1st semester my countenance wasn't even the same AND it took 7 years for restoration to be complete. Be careful who you entertain because it could just cost you your life! But that's another testimony. Eventually I did become overwhelmed, my whole college life was not peaches and cream even though I enjoyed immense favor. I despaired and seriously considered not finishing the 2nd degree, but God was on the scene. He orchestrated for me to get a job on campus, basically doing nothing, so that I could pay my bills and not have to juggle outside work with student teaching. Yet, still I was tired emotionally from the relationship fall out, spiritually from the same and transitioning churches, and physically because of my demanding schedule. I remember one statistics test in which I fell asleep. Didn't even finish. Yet, I got one of the highest grades. That's not intelligence. That's favor! Math is my weakest subject! I give you all of this detail so that you can understand that when my GPA for grad school was announced as 4.0 you can know I had nothing to do with it. I made a huge mistake in my final research project, but instead of covering it up I shared- and the deans and professors thought it was brilliant. Crazy favor! Not intelligence.
So as I approach a semester of school that looks impossible, I'm not looking to my own abilities. I'm looking to God. At least I get to study something I'm truly passionate about for once! Yes Intro to World Missions!!! I cannot deny the incredible favor God has shown me from the application process, to the references, to the costs of school being completely covered.... all I can do is shout I have a testimony! So, when it comes to working 2 additional jobs to cover living expense, it's not that I want to- it's that I believe. I believe that God is at work. And when God is at work He gives grace to accomplish that work. Luke 18:8
God showed the Israelites incredible favor in delivering them from Egypt, yet when He brought them to the border of the Promised Land they were unwilling to go in. It was too much. It was impossible. It was a set up for failure. What it really was, was their loss. When their children had the opportunity to enter in, they didn't just waltz in, they had to fight, but the fight was worth the victory. It's not that I want to- it's that I believe.
It's been over ten years since I've been in school. It's true that I've taken a couple of graduate level courses, but somehow I don't think that compares to being a full time student. 3 credits at a time vs 16.
Even attending seminary- it's not so much that I want to attend- it's that I believe.
See I believe that as I've been praying for guidance about what next, God has led me to this place. A place that doesn't look easy and to many looks impossible. However, they don't know my story. It's been over 10 years so some of the details may be a little bit dusty and rusty, yet it's a testimony all the same.
When I entered Howard in 2003, fresh from high school, I entered under God's miraculous favor. I had a full scholarship including books and board that I had "earned" by taking a test. Due to the high school AP courses I had passed I was already more than 1/2 way finished with my freshman year- before beginning it. You read a lot of I's because I did think it was my accomplishment, my mother's hard work. But that's not true. It was God who had put me into that position. Even though I didn't know a whole lot about walking with Him at the time, He was already clearly at work in my life.
During freshman orientation the school informed us that over 1/3 of us would lose our scholarships because we would not be able to manage our academics and our social life. I didn't fall into that 1/3. And my social which eventually became ministry life was packed. I actually can tell you more about the ministry I was doing and the socializing I shouldn't have been doing than the academics... BUT it is God who is faithful, not man. I remember a particular semester that looked so intimidating. I had one day in which I was in class 12 hours.... I think with only an hour break. I still remember now that the 12 hour day was the easiest day of my week. Why? Because I KNEW that I couldn't do it. That was the day I made sure to get up early and beseech God for his help. And God supplied it. The favor I operated under in undergrad was almost obnoxious. I remember picking up a book an hour before a test and earning an A on that same test- some people may read that and deduce that I'm super intelligent but I assure you it was just favor. By 2006 I had my first degree, and by 2007 I had my 2nd. One with a 3.8 and the other, well that's a testimony too.
The scholarship that I entered Howard with was for 4 years, however it could be applied to a 5 year program only if declared from the beginning. I had transferred into the 5 year program so Howard refused to pay for my grad year with the same scholarship, even though they still technically owed me another year of undergrad under my scholarship! However, favor. Howard gave me a scholarship that covered my graduate school expenses. This one didn't include room and board and so that just created an opportunity for God to show himself mighty yet again. A friend recommended me for a job, and so that provided income. Thanks Crystal Grant. A family friend provided housing until I found my own. Thanks Deanes family. And the housing that God provided- well that's a whole different testimony. Anyone who knew me back in 2007 knew about my housing. The Sunshine House was a place of great ministry and fellowship, not because of me but because of God! I am smiling about that testimony because I had been tempted to settle, to compromise on integrity, or not be obedient to the vision God had given me- but I believed and God provided.
Now, my grad year was not easy by any stretch of the imagination. I was student teaching which is like a job, I was working, and I had a full course load. In addition to this I had undergone a traumatic break up with someone I had been in ministry with and planned to marry. That 1st semester my countenance wasn't even the same AND it took 7 years for restoration to be complete. Be careful who you entertain because it could just cost you your life! But that's another testimony. Eventually I did become overwhelmed, my whole college life was not peaches and cream even though I enjoyed immense favor. I despaired and seriously considered not finishing the 2nd degree, but God was on the scene. He orchestrated for me to get a job on campus, basically doing nothing, so that I could pay my bills and not have to juggle outside work with student teaching. Yet, still I was tired emotionally from the relationship fall out, spiritually from the same and transitioning churches, and physically because of my demanding schedule. I remember one statistics test in which I fell asleep. Didn't even finish. Yet, I got one of the highest grades. That's not intelligence. That's favor! Math is my weakest subject! I give you all of this detail so that you can understand that when my GPA for grad school was announced as 4.0 you can know I had nothing to do with it. I made a huge mistake in my final research project, but instead of covering it up I shared- and the deans and professors thought it was brilliant. Crazy favor! Not intelligence.
So as I approach a semester of school that looks impossible, I'm not looking to my own abilities. I'm looking to God. At least I get to study something I'm truly passionate about for once! Yes Intro to World Missions!!! I cannot deny the incredible favor God has shown me from the application process, to the references, to the costs of school being completely covered.... all I can do is shout I have a testimony! So, when it comes to working 2 additional jobs to cover living expense, it's not that I want to- it's that I believe. I believe that God is at work. And when God is at work He gives grace to accomplish that work. Luke 18:8
God showed the Israelites incredible favor in delivering them from Egypt, yet when He brought them to the border of the Promised Land they were unwilling to go in. It was too much. It was impossible. It was a set up for failure. What it really was, was their loss. When their children had the opportunity to enter in, they didn't just waltz in, they had to fight, but the fight was worth the victory. It's not that I want to- it's that I believe.
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