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I Still Don't Know- 7 Months Later



So many blog ideas have come to me over the last week and a half, but I haven't made the time to write them out. The last few weeks have been taunt with lessons and emotions;  a dramatic tango of disappointment and surprise, favor and discipline. 

Now that I am sitting and writing- what is there to say other than "I don't know"? I have continued to receive funds to travel on my trip to Uganda- but still not enough to go. So when will I go? I don't know. The sign up for Burundi is at the end of the month. Where will I get $300 for registration and $2700 more for the trip? I don't know. For once I don't know and I'm not too bothered by it. I don't have to know. God knows and that's enough. Is this what it means to enter His rest?  To admit not knowing the next move or time frame without anxiety, is that entering His rest?

I wish it was only resigned to missions trips, but really this state of not knowing has pervaded the realm of work as well. The school year ends in two weeks and this time I don't know. Last summer I knew what I wanted and was going for it.  Then I traveled to Burundi and I no longer knew what I was doing, what I wanted here in the United States. 

This summer I am still clueless. And although I loved the movie by the same name I have always prided myself on always having a plan, always having a clue. Yet with the conclusion of the Experiencing God study I believe I am back at one of the initial lessons God taught me: Stop Leaning on Self! Lean on God. 

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.
In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

I don't have to know. 

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