Burundi: Blessing or Burden?

In the last few moments before signing up for this trip to Burundi, the overwhelming influencing factor was fear! I was fearful that my ability to walk in faith was atrophying, so I signed up. June 1st I voluntarily submitted to a faith circuit, that I had no idea would require much more than I had bargained for.  June became one of the most difficult months of my life, but only because July had not yet come. 

I am not sure that I can accurately describe the pain, confusion, attack, turmoil that those two months brought- Picture with me a glass sitting on a counter. Take it in your hands and lift it up. Now drop it on a concrete floor.  A little sudden right? Seemingly out of nowhere right? That was what happened the day after  I was accepted to the trip. Then, as June progressed a hammer was taken to smash up the particularly large shards of glass still remaining. Tears became my food.

    Day and night I have only tears for food,

    while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,

    "Where is this God of yours?" Psalm 42:3

The couch where I sat usually with my friend for comfort, solace, steadfast encouragement, was empty- 

    I am worn out from sobbing.

    All night I flood my bed with weeping,

    drenching it with my tears.

     My vision is blurred by grief;

    my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies. Psalm 6: 6-7 

As July rolled in, the glass still on the floor met with the steel toed boots of someone I had always thought would be there... Their hand had pointed out the light switch in my 2006 pit of despair, and now...

   Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in distress.

    Tears blur my eyes.

    My body and soul are withering away. Psalm 31:9

I didn't know how to live anymore.  I didn't know who I was anymore. I was a pilot at sea with failed instrumentation and a setting sun. Sky and sea threatened to become one. "How do you expect me to minister when I am broken in all of these pieces?" "I want you to minister whole." 

    You keep track of all my sorrows.

    You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

    You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8

So God came and gathered the fragments of my life from the concrete floor, with delight I might add. I hoped that he would do an instantaneous mending, but instead he began to examine each shattered piece of glass- I'm not the most patient type, but God is the slow process like type, so sometimes we don't get along. Nevertheless, He placed me in a cocoon of his love in which my only concern would be transformation, metamorphosis, healing.

I love the Lord because he hears my voice

    and my prayer for mercy.

2 Because he bends down to listen,

    I will pray as long as I have breath!

3 Death wrapped its ropes around me;

    the terrors of the grave[a] overtook me.

    I saw only trouble and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the Lord:

    "Please, Lord, save me!"

5 How kind the Lord is! How good he is!

    So merciful, this God of ours!

6 The Lord protects those of childlike faith;

    I was facing death, and he saved me.

7 Let my soul be at rest again,

    for the Lord has been good to me.

8 He has saved me from death,

    my eyes from tears,

    my feet from stumbling.

9 And so I walk in the Lord's presence

    as I live here on earth!

10 I believed in you, so I said,

    "I am deeply troubled, Lord."

11 In my anxiety I cried out to you,

    "These people are all liars!"

12 What can I offer the Lord

    for all he has done for me?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation

    and praise the Lord's name for saving me.

14 I will keep my promises to the Lord

    in the presence of all his people.

15 The Lord cares deeply

    when his loved ones die.

16 O Lord, I am your servant;

    yes, I am your servant, born into your household;

    you have freed me from my chains.

17 I will offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving

    and call on the name of the Lord.

18 I will fulfill my vows to the Lord

    in the presence of all his people—

19 in the house of the Lord

    in the heart of Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord! Psalm 116

As I travel to Burundi tomorrow with a team of nine others, it is with nervous anticipation. Like the flooring being torn out of a flooded house, so much has had to go in this season.  No one wants moldy, soggy, decrepit wood floors, but bare beams of a house exposed are a little daunting. I cannot even imagine what is to come in the next season, no way to fathom what God will do with this empty shell. 

I heard an unknown voice say,

"Now I will take the load from your shoulders;

    I will free your hands from their heavy tasks.

You cried to me in trouble, and I saved you;

    I answered out of the thundercloud

    and tested your faith when there was no water at Meribah.  (Selah)

"Listen to me, O my people, while I give you stern warnings.

    O Israel, if you would only listen to me!

You must never have a foreign god;

    you must not bow down before a false god.

For it was I, the Lord your God,

    who rescued you from the land of Egypt.

    Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things. Psalm 81: 6-10

This journey has had its peaks: my trip being overpaid by $425 and therefore blessing one of my teammates, $100 was given to me just in time to be able to buy souvenirs, a plane ticket to and from NYC so that I don't have to travel by bus was purchased- But this journey has also had some deep valleys as well. 

  Even when I walk

    through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

    for you are close beside me.

Your rod and your staff

    protect and comfort me. Psalm 23:4 

But all I can say is 

And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death. Revelation 12:11

Please pray for our team and the people of Burundi. 

--

The time you spend alone with God will transform your character and increase your devotion. Then your integrity and godly behavior in an unbelieving world will make others long to know the Lord.
Charles Stanley